Detachment and true love

Hazral Ali (RA) once said: “Detachment is not that you should own nothing, but that nothing should own you”. Let’s explore this in light of relationships. The countless propaganda we are inundated with encompasses the purpose to find true love. A love that consumes you, fulfills you, satisfies you.

We see the mass propaganda centred on meeting “the one”, loving relationships, finding love and being with the one you love, the endless TV shows and reality shows that seek to find true love. We see youth focus on this like it’s the centre of their being. Daily reminders through social media, the internet, billboards, music, and poetry, all stress the fulfillment (or lack of) when seeking love through a human being. Sadly you find in many cultures the undertone of not being complete without having a spouse to define you.

If this love or search for love is not controlled and kept in perspective, this passion for love can come to a confronting end. The reality is it will end. You will be departing from your attachments, either willingly or forcefully. God says in the Quran “Therein you shall live and there in you shall die, and from it you will be brought out (resurrected) (7:25).

We are struck by reminders that nothing will last except Allah (SWT), although we find we are still yet to fully understand and grasp this truth. Once this is translated in our lives, we should hope that we are on our way to humble servitude. Pre-relationship; one hope’s to seek the one that fulfils them in some way when we are already complete human beings. Once found; you expect that you will live together forever, never again to leave one another. God says in the Quran (7:24-25) “On earth will be a dwelling place for you and an enjoyment, for a time. Therein you shall live and there in you shall die, and from it you will be brought out (resurrected)”.

You live together in love and tranquillity for an appointed term by His will. We know this yet we insist on consuming ourselves with these attachments. “So he (Satan) misled them with deception” (7:22)

We can get so caught up with this idea that we lose sight of the real purpose, the granter of THIS LOVE, worshiping Allah the way He wants us to worship Him. Even in the detachment (whether self-imposed or forced), there are blessings and lessons to take heed.  A personal reflection is watching ones parents grow old together and complement each other in ways you can only admire. The strong bond and love they have has been nurtured over years of struggles, comfort, happiness, hard times and admiration. As time progresses, they are overcome by their destiny and God takes one back to Him. In departing this world, God takes away everything known to this soul, even his personal dwelling – his body. For those left on this earth, namely the spouse, a deep longing and hurt remains even though patience and acceptance is present. This pain serves as a reminder that “to God we belong, and to Him we shall return” (Quran 2:156).

It serves as a reminder that no matter how great the pain, the reality of departure is greater. So if we know this, if we see this, if we feel this, even in our youth, even before marriage or post marriage, in our old age or experiencing pain for the loss of our parents or children, why not focus on this reminder? “To God we belong, and to Him we shall return” (Quran 2:156).

These signs are present and calculated for us to witness by God with perfect precision and excellence. Why not make our decisions, lifestyle choices and focus congruent to our Islamic values of innalillahwainnailayhiraji’oon? Why not keep yourself accountable and monitor your relationship with everything, in this case, love for the sake of Allah. When you do this, your focus, your worship, your strength becomes heightened, your vision repaired and heart at ease.

Ibn Al-Qayyim once said “the heart will rest and feel relief if it is settled with Allah and it will worry and be anxious if it is settled with people”. So I ask the question, why not use every relationship you have to get closer to God? Why entertain the thought that your life will be shattered by any detachment? Why not live a life that is pleasing to Allah (SWT), knowing that everything you have, even your body, is going to leave soon and the events that will come to pass at that time would be the only thing that you should have everconcerned yourself with? Why feel like you will fall apart if something is taken from you? Why do we make it so hard on ourselves? Why don’t we focus this love and energy on the One that truly deserves it? This is when real strength comes into play. Detachment – a means to liberation.